Anima Incognita, Magnum Mysterium

Yet again I take refuge behind silence,

The immotile Coeur, the rigid expression,

The muted eyes, swallowed soul:

I just wish you could notice. You are clever enough to.

The clues are laid out and our minds are resonant,

Passions converge, eyes wonder about the same wonders,

What could be missing?

Could it be that our eyes are different?

Do we see different things?

No, that wouldn’t make sense,

Like all animals, humans are no different,

They feed on sensations. You and Me are not the exception.

Could it be that one of us has stopped eating?

Yes. The difference resides in the path, in the experience,

The memories attached to feelings, the hippocampus and the amygdala,

The incessant current of electrolytes flying across the membranes –

The Bridge of Morpheus, harnesser of dreams, channels and pumps and all the more,

Hold on, hold on, HOLD ON.

Stop. Stop my racing heart.

The crossroad…

The tenebrous crossroad I’ve arrived to.

I look back, and I see you,

Your eyes, the eyes I used to have

The naive, fierce, flaming sword,

The curious smile, the confident narcissism…

I envy them, I envy them all.

These past millions of seconds, and the steps I have taken,

Have made me grow weary and doubtful –

My blade is rusty, my smile is halved, my confidence…

My confidence remains.

There’s no giving up, no turning back now,

The leap I’ve taken is pathetic, yet impressive,

The crossroad… the crossroad is yet another challenge.

Perhaps I should wait, buy time, grow stronger

And await, await for you, past reflection, to rise

To draw closer and closer, struggle, trip and fall.

For I’ll be there to take your hand when you get here,

And together we shall rip truth apart, eviscerate it,

Burn it and spread its ashes all over the place.

Repeat after me,

I will not live a lie.

I will not live a truth that is not,

I will not love what is known,

I will hate it, loathe it, despise it,

For I love only the unknown.

You say that all bodies dilate when heated up?

TAKE THAT AWAY FROM ME, TAKE IT AWAY,

I CAN’T STAND IT. THESE NAUSEAS,

OH, MY POOR AREA POSTREMA CHEMORECEPTORS!

YOU ARE VILE, VILE, TRUTH! VILE!

YOU ARE MY WORST ENEMY, AND MY WORST FRIEND.

GO AWAY, AND LEAVE ME BE. LET ME BE FREE,

MY MIND, MY HEART AND MY WILL,

LET ME GO, GO OFF YOUR CAGE,

FOR IF YOU KEEP FEEDING MY RAGE

I WILL DIE, AND RETURN TO HAUNT YOU,

EVERY GRAIN OF EARTH, SAND, GRAVEL AND ICE,

WET, DRY, ROUGH AND WISE,

ABSENT, I WANT YOUR ABSENCE, I WANT YOU OUT OF HERE.

GET OUT. GET OUT. FUCKING GET OUT OF HERE.

I CAN’T FUCKING SEE YOUR FACE ANYMORE.

I CAN’T STAND YOU, I CAN’T, I CAN’T!

KEHEKEHKEHEHE GEHEHEHEHEHE HAHEHEEHAHAH

I HATE YOU.

Geez. Such vulgar and tasteless verses…

BUT I DON’T FUCKING CARE.

You can take your bright aesthetics and shove them up your…

Mind.

Think about it. Think about truth:

The day you can’t sleep at night because of these thoughts, return to me,

Return to this War,

War for meaning.

War for Life.

…but it would be nice to only get a kiss from you,

Or a hug even; perhaps a mere caress.

An accomplice’s exchange of looks,

A smile.

Anything…

I want…

Heck, I don’t even know what I want anymore.

The signpost… where do I go?

I will go where my heart takes me.

I’m sorry rationality. One day I’ll come back for you.

We’ve played enough, we spent much time together,

But like all good relationships, sometimes we must let go

Withal, in your case, it is only temporary.

I must pursue meaning,

I must feed myself, lest I grow weak.

For will is the wheel that keeps me going.

I will… liv…

No. I will Love.